How You Want Your Ex To Feel After A Breakup, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Whether you hope they die in a fire or wish for their eventual decline into eternal loneliness, everyone has some idea of what they hope will happen to their ex after a breakup.

What we want to happen to our exes is usually a sign of how we hope they will feel, and comes from a belief that they feel nothing… because if they did, how could they have ever left us?

This is how you hope your ex will feel after a breakup, based on your zodiac sign.

Taurus– Like an on-call rescue worker.

Taurus is the kind of psycho who will empty-threaten a hunger strike if their lover leaves them. They want to make sure they’re taken care of, worried about and fussed over long after the relationship is through.

By the time you meet someone new (literally two weeks later), your ex will wonder who left who.

You were calling them a week ago at 4 am crying — and now you’ve completely moved on.


Cancer– Confusingly horny for you.

Cancers are the first sign to come on with a full-fledged attack of unsolicited, artistically lit nudes sent directly to their exes.

Your goal is not only to make them miss you, but to make them feel like they’ve made the biggest sexual mistake of their lives. Be careful, though.

This can come off as aggressively needy.


Virgo– What ex? You’re fine.

Virgos do not do well with feelings.

Emotions are not their forté. In fact, you are too busy planning how to coldly split up your possessions and drop them off at your ex’s office to even think about them ever again.

Although honestly, in the dark of night, you lay in bed and hope for their absolute demise. You hope they are sad forever and that they never find happiness with anyone.

You also hope they lose whatever confidence they once had in themselves.


Scorpio– Regretful of the day they were born.

Scorpios do not like rejection.

They do not take kindly to being told to fuck off, even if it’s coated in honey. Basically, if your ex is gonna leave you, they’d better change all their passwords first and block you on all their social feeds, because you will make it your life’s mission to destroy any chance they have at future happiness.

Oh, and they better not even think about dating someone else. You will find their new love, move into a van outside their home, pose as a CIA informant and tell them they’re dating a murderer.

Capricorn– Like they’ve disappointed their parents.

You were the perfect partner: stable, rich (or soon to be), dependable and loved by the parents.

But now you’re reaching out to those parents before your ex even gets a chance to, thanking them for welcoming you into their lives, and expressing your regret that the relationship didn’t work.

It definitely doesn’t hurt that you’re setting up the situation so your ex’s parents are asking, “Whatever happened between you guys? How could you let her go?” for the rest of his goddamned life.


Pisces– Hoping they feel terrible for you.

Pisces is not above faking an injury, or jumping in front of their cab if they happen to see their ex on their way to work.

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